It's been a while

Here I am in bed

And apparently they've all said

Ive got everything to make my smile

Yet nothing seems to bring out my child

Toes wiggling like that Tuesday

Aching arm too great to say

This time it's up in my head

Pain killers just made it bled

Fuck that broken arm

And all those fire alarms

Getting better was the only hope

It was all just a joke

Toes are still wiggling more than ever

But this time it's an infection

With a simple call to the nurse

And syringe injection

Ill only get worse

It takes me back to the last time I wrote 

And that too was a fucking joke 

How about this life?

It'll never get better.

Wiggling toes turn to gnashing teeth

And who's where to hear my scream?

That noise is simply too loud

NO ONE sticks around.

Why would they stay?

I'd leave myself if I could find away

That bridge sounds better and better

I had so much fucking hope

Thought it was all better

Kicking my feet into the bed frame

Now it hurts more than ever

I long for a different world

One that isn't set up like this one

There's no hope here. 

Each direction is its own destruction

That parking garage wrecks my mind

A perfect world lives up there. 

And part of me dies when I think about it

Cause here I am now

With everyone but myself

The only person I could never get rid of

But never actually can seem to find.

I'll race you to the bridge

But you have to promise to jump first

Hey there kiddo

They say it's been the hottest summer yet

And I'll be the first one to bet

The stars are shining brightest down through the trees

For this summer when together was called you and me

Adventures to the lake and charlottes uptown

A sandy beach to watch the sun go down

The biggest smiles that never seem to leave

This summer that joy was pronounced 

Seth and car-lee

Finding the first star and sleeps in the car

Endless movies and late night stories

There's nothing I wouldn't trade for more time with you

The days when future pointed to kiddo and boo

Some nights like this my mind seems to go numb

Nothing enters my eyes and there's sand on my tongue

But This time around there's more hope to see

Nothing is too dark when I'm dreaming of Wendy

Uncertainty and fear, anxiety and tears

But

I'm not lost this time, I've still found a rhyme.

Cause fears got nothing on dinner out on the deck

This summer when love felt like kisses on the neck.

As sure as the heat at tomorrow's high noon

College days will be here too soon

Us two sweetumses will surely soon see

The future is also called "you and me."

The future can wait

When it's all said and done

Will you still be my sun?

I want Every hour starting yesterday 

Please, tell me what you'll say.

There's two things I can promise you

Two things I know to be true

The first you know and will love to hear

The second is simply nothing but fear.

My first promise sounds like this:

You're the one I want to miss

I'll put you above all the rest

I promise to give you my very best.

The second promise here it goes:

Pain will have its greatest show.

If we agree to put us at the first

I can promise you there will be hurt.

I'll call you each and every night

Voicemails will be a familiar sight

But voices only carry so far

Faces fade in the dark

You can come and visit me

So many adventures and things to see

But each Sunday afternoon

A goodbye will come too soon

I'll drive home to visit you

Old adventures will now feel new

We'll kiss like our first to the end of the day

But will that keep me from crying as I drive away?

No ones ever depressed at the beach

Kites and sun and sand on my feet

Will my mind be there with me?

Or will you be all i see?

Basketball, friends and senior year

You're gonna graduate with a cheer

Can you sleep with a closed door

When my shirts don't smell like me anymore?

Do you want me on every bad day?

Those days when we have nothing to say?

Will you want me when you're sick of missing me?

When giving ups the only option you see? 

I dream of you in the crowd cheering

As Crossfit events I've been fearing

I want to compete with you by my side

Sweaty kisses full hearts and smiles high

It's gonna be a mental game

When everyone tells you you're insane

For staying with a guy so far away

Will you be mine on that day?

Hey it's only three hours time

Not so far with excitement in mind

But it's a long three hours back

When you're going through a heart attack

You need to get sleep for tomorrow

But when I'm having a day of sorry

Will you stay up late

To accompany me on a cell phone date?

There's a lot of guys running around

And you are a lovely clown

When they see you all alone

Will I still be your one?

I want Christmas with you

And Easter too

Thanksgiving and New Years

And movies that bring us to tears

Maybe we'll have some kids

Fight sometimes when we flip our lids

Play the lava game- I dare ya

Visit Corey in Bulgaria

I want to be poor in Colorado 

With you and some avacado

A tiny house that freezes in winter

Switching turns praying at dinner

One thing I can't promise is that we won't change

That our lives may never be rearranged 

But I see us goingn to sky

And that, to me, is at least worth a try.

Poem poem

For me today this sky won't do

I'd need a different world to have you

Pour me a glass of wine

And try to buy me some time

This table cloth is dirty

And it's already 1 thirty

Our glasses have sweat through

The wood beneath as morning dew

Teach me to love In a new way

I'm being broken every day

Waiting for you like western rain

Carrying hopes full of pain

The fire burns bright

But no one sees the light

I'll take  another glass of whatever

Any storm I'm glad to weather

With you as my hope's eye

Nothing really is goodbye

It's not that hard to just keep going

But it's near impossible to go on knowing

That the light at the end of the cave

Is not a girl I care to save 

Oh how I'd run till I flew and burn

If the light was coming from your lantern

Take a walk with me down abbey road

I'm sure you'll remember not long ago

Roundabouts spun us to outer space

Where we found the most wonderful place

A place full of days and endless night

Luminous only by joy's pure light

Please don't forget that golden glow

That plce in my heart that only you'll ever go

 

Kodaline

You're probably off now growing older

I'm not supposed to care

More jobs and friends you're getting bolder

I'm Just playing at the fair

"Love will set you free" they say

"Learn to let go" I hear  is "in"

"It'll come back to find you one day"

But it won't nor has it ever been

All I want is nothing less

Than To hear you come confess

You love me more than anything

 You love me a little bit

You've loved me a whole year now

 You've loved me for an hour

You want to love me

Any of the above

All of the above

Nothing but the above

In every dream You wreck my sleep

Waking me another memory to keep

I try to forget you in the day

But my mind remembers as soon as I lay

Joy unpassed since that life

Gone in the past with the new night

Dreams of cruises and chikfila

Running the forest lost and afraid

Let me be your lost boy

Cause only You know to find me at the bay

And it's always you I've needed to wave

Be my Jane I'll swing you from the vines

I'll hold you in tears of storming times

Be my beauty and only you I'll adore

There's never been a beast that needed it more

I'd take you on a magic carpet ride

A trip to the moons dark side

Anywhere you could dream to dare

It'd be my joy to take you there

Don't you see you light up my sky?

Yes I realize it's dangerous inside

But I've let go falling to earth

Hopefully soon I'll hit the dirt.

Carnival

Try to let it go 

And the world will begin to show

You each and every place

Keeps pushing it back into your face

All the dreams you had

All those memories good and bad

You thought they were past

But the future points they'll last

Sunsets and backpacks

Rainbow shirts wooden nicknacks

Hopes for past thoughts to be repeated

And not enough anger to be treated 

Floundering like a fish caught In a net

One day they'll see the rest

People will want to here me tell a story

Gotta let go of Nemo to save Dory

There's gopros and new girl shows

A sailboat for whenever the wind blows

Sunsets still light up the evening

And ever so ease the pain that's seething

Nemo will come back around

As long as we all swim down 

They'll go back home to the anemone

With the greatest story in all the sea

The waves and the buildings will help me forget

But I promise I'll never make a bet

On red as Long as black is winning

I can't afford to lose while grinning

Let the ocean clean both our feet

Taste the ugly and cheerful defeat

There's always joy to be found

Even with your face on the ground

Graduation

Robe on my brother

Robe on me

Tears in the eyes of my mother

Please don't let go of me

Tassel this way

Tassel on the other side

On the pine bark we lay

Don't let this be the last goodbye

Not enough hugs

Too many late shows

Crickets chirping like bugs

Please don't let go...

Cake like cardboard

Water for a few

Praise songs for the Lord

Please tell me to let go of you

Blue and white

Black and white

But red is all I see

You say just let me be

Spinning round and round

Will joy ever cease?

Falling to the ground

Don't you forget you please

Wheat thins and snacks

Cigars and heart attacks

All I think about

Letting go without a doubt

Writing this poem here

Drinking water from cans of beer

Warm Heart full and burned

Our backs now are turned

Letting go of everything

You've Let go of me

I'll let go of you

Starts shine brighter for three

The stars shine brightest for you

Each and everything you do

I'll never forget your show

Please don't let me go

This will be my last poem

This will be my last rhyme

Although I think I said that last time

No one reads them anyways

It's not like it matters anyways

What have I not said about you yet?

I try to write down my feelings

So they won't come back with threats

But there's always more words to say

I feel stupid for remembering times with you

For even spending time thinking about them

I know you'd think me crazy if

I ever showed you what I remember

I remember that day so long ago

Out at the playground on a night like this one

Glistening through the trees the white stars shown

A shared kiss and a heart bursting full 

I bet you don't remember that

I bet you don't care to think of things like that

To be honest

I don't know why I ever think of it

I see you now and you think of me a stranger

And I truly don't know why

You once knew me better than the sky

I see you know and wonder

If I should forget my most hero shed memories

But I don't think I could stop my mind from humming those symphonies

I pass by you and but you never see

All I think is that you used to smile for me

I should probably get some sleep

Or quit thinking so deep

But I can't and I don't know why

I've tried and tried and I try

I often question why this weeK

God gave so much pain to me so weak

When I woke in the night

With aching pain from the Devils delight

Al I thought of was you

I know that a broken arm goes numb

When I held hands with you

You couldn't take my pain away

But i surely forgot it was there

It hurt so bad this time around

Because al I had to look at was the ground

Had I you here with me

All pain bearable would be

Sprog 2

I hoped for her - the perfect part
To suit my heart, it seems -
My whole, my soul, my second start;
My clearest, dearest dreams. 

She'd be refined, and cute and kind,
And fair of hair and face -
A calm and patient, mindful mind;
A gentle gift of grace.

And so she is - she's all I sought,
And all she ought to be -
She's all I always hoped and thought,
And not, at all, for me.

It was all for you

There's some things, they say

That just won't fit into words

Pushing and shoving this and that way

The deepest thoughts are never heard

I will try

-Though I'll share this with no one-

To describe the sky

 Hopefully with some sense of a tone

You weren't just my first girlfriend

You're al I dream anyone could be

wildest hopes of mine you'd far transcend

You only ever brought pure joy to me

I don't know if it was my imagination

Or the fact that I was loved by An angel

The whole universe in cooperation

Life was bright and it never changed

Once upon a time

I couldnt even listen to music

Cause tunes hummed in lullabies

Made me only think back to you

Emotions to dark to put Into words

I was just so damn lost

With no idea where to turn

Don't you see you were my Sun?

Every poem for two years now

A step back in memories time

So dangerous yet I couldn't

Just tell myself it wasn't real

They covered up that bench we

Carved our names by the sea

And I go there and a voice says to me

Did it really happen? Or was it a movie?

I always salute that park in town

Yet keep my eyes looking down

Our first kiss like it was yesterday

Please tell me you know the way

I wish you were here

If you could read my mind you wouldn't understand

How beautiful you are to me.

You are a ten you are a perfect score

However you like to say it

You are perfect to me

I don't know where red hair came from

But I can spot yours a mile away

There will never be a girl I meet again

That I don't compare to you

I try to tell Noah

How bad I want to get you back

And he tells me be prepared if you don't like me back

He doesn't get

I can't be around you without thinking of dates we could go on

I can't talk to you without shaking because I want to tell you what you do to me

Yet I have to keep those words in

Cause you don't want to hear them

I'll go to the park alone

And that's fine I'm not stupid

I get you don't want me

But you don't get how I want you

I'm sure you've noticed I don't look you in the eyes 

When we talk but you never asked why

It because I can't bear another memory 

Of looking into the blue that rivals the sea

I know I can love other people

I'm not single minded

But to think the memories I have are dead

They will not ever happen again

That

That breaks my heart

Because I'd give anything to hold you on a night like this

To hear you tell me you like me

To see you smile at me because of me

Instead of at someone who only pretends to love you

Maybe this isn't the end

I surely don't know

But I need to let go I think

And begin to end again

I don't think you'll ever read this

But if you do

Know that I'd jump into that pool for you

Whether it was full of concrete or not

I can only control some of my dreams about you

But others will haunt me to the day I die

I'm sorry if I annoy you with my winking or stupid stories

But you've got to realize:

I'd kill myself if I didn't at least try

I do believe that life goes on in time

But what I also know 

Is that you've ruined a part of mine

Down day 1

I saw You today

But you didn't see me

We talked today

But you didn't say anything to me

I'm just a shape to you

You're everything to me

I'm another pair of shoes

You're all I dream to envy

I'm starting to see things as they are

Hopeless, lost, and just so damn far

You'll never feel this love the same

As it was before now I'm a name

The most heart wrenching thought

 that's always got my attention caught

Is that I let you walk away

Without even saying goodbye

I have sweet, painful memories

Your voice sweeter than symphonies

The echo of your heart drumming

Your eyes a lofty tune humming

I was yours and you were mine

I'd never felt fullness so divine

Blowing in the wind your elusive red hair

My Wendy and your Seth the bear

The saddest thought I'll have is when

I know those eyes will never again

Look at me that way

 You once did and say,

"Let's go to California?"

the lies I must tell myself

a sliver of hope creeping through the door
or a glance perhaps by accident- i wouldn't know
the sound of your feet on the same floor
theres too many signs to show

I've always been a hopeful soul
cup of water is ever half full
and in the same way
i'm hoping with all my heart that youll stay

maybe my mind has already taken it too far
but I wont live without another scar
from at least trying to get you to see
all the things we could be

im going to tell you straight
its not a matter of fate
i wont take anything but "yes"
"I'd love to take you on a date"

Im too young and see too dark
hear sin in every bark
to let this pass by our of fear
i'd kick myself for years

I want to hurt again when you leave
oh cant you like me believe
that the pain so bad only comes
when there has been nothing but love

be honest with me dear
don't say no because of fear
let me try to love you again
forever from yesterday is when

Aching hearts cannot speak

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

What is there to say about what's already been taken away? You don't see me and all I see is you

You've never dreamed but of others when I have only dreamed of you

You've only longed for peace and love and things that are easy to get while I have longed for you

Tell me you're sorry and I'll ask why

You don't love me will be your reply

I don't think I could ever not love you

Or at least dream things could happen again

Maybe that's too hopeful

I have no way of finding out

Inside joke

I'm moving on now

I thought I'd let you know

I'm moving away now

Soon you'll see the show

I don't know if you see

Me the way I see you

I think you only notice me

When I'm talking to you

I think of you all the time

Yet you hardly remember my name

You are my sun to shine

On the darkest days in the heaviest rain

I dream of you

And long for your face

Do you dream of me too?

Or long to be in my place?

I'm moving on starting today

It's time for me to start to train

That's it I'll be on my way

I need to quit hiding from the pain

Pain says you'll never love me

And my heart knows it's true

But hope says "wait and see

I've been waiting for a year or two

Maybe when you see me one day

You'll realize you loved me

And you'll run to me and say

"I love you do you love me?"

And I'll tell you I loved you everyday

And that is why I must leave

For today your heart belongs somewhere else

And I can't take watching your smiles belong to him

When all I want is to watch your eyes light up

And see time work its magic on your beauty

I was only ever joking with myself

Thinking I had a chance at you this life

Sprog

I remember your smile with the sun in your eyes,

And the smell of the summer, the sound of the breeze -

I remember your shape under powder-blue skies;

Under wandering clouds; under whispering trees.

I remember the feel of the grass at our back,

And the touch of its warmth, and the cool of the shade,

And the calls of our friends from the river-way track,

And the season that last for an age when it stayed.

I remember the fire we built of a night,

And the sight of the stars as they slipped in a stream,

And the furtive first-kiss that we shared by its light,

And the simple, impossible, innocent dream.

I remember you most in the starlight above,

But for you it was fun - and for me it was love.

Too old for Disney movies

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. 

Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars, 

and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance." 

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings. 

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. 

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too. 

On nights like this, I held her in my arms. 

I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky. 

She loved me, sometimes I loved her. 

How could I not have loved her large, still eyes? 

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. 

To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her. 

To hear the immense night, more immense without her. 

And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass. 

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her. 

The night is full of stars and she is not with me. 

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away. 

My soul is lost without her. 

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.

My heart searches for her and she is not with me. 

The same night that whitens the same trees. 

We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her. 

My voice searched the wind to touch her ear. 

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once 

belonged to my kisses. 

Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes. 

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her. 

Love is so short and oblivion so long. 

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms, 

my soul is lost without her. 

Although this may be the last pain she causes me, 

and this may be the last poem I write for her.

Wreck it Ralph

I love you but you don't love me

You're all I ever want to see 

In every dream of mine and every thought

That kind of love cannot be taught

I see your face in my mind

And remember all those times

We ran and laughed and sung

Tasted smiles on the tip of our tongues 

You light up my day in the middle of the night

When you talk to me my vision takes flight

So that you're all My eyes can see

And hear 

And say

"With you I long to be"

You took a backseat ride

When you could've been at my side

3 missed calls and wasted time

This poem about you shouldn't even rhyme

You lie and have lost my trust

But you forgot who came first

And this time there's no red book

For your mind's remberance look

Maybe I hold on to what I feel

Or maybe you're too scared to seal

Your fate and fall again

But what's the point of pain?

I'll dream of you tonight

But awake without a single delight.

I love you but I don't think you'll ever see

That time in the past when you once loved me

Colors

I've seen blue skies

And tasted blueberry pie

The ocean the lake

A baby boy's first cake

A sad face and some bass tunes

I know everything that comes in blue

Yellow is in my ears

Helping me face my fears

A slide a coin a light

Slow down and taste bitter fight

I've always hated green

Too much grass to be seen

A towel a leaf and a growing Plam tree

Just enough shade for you and me

Purple is whatever- I see it in the sky

But only when the sun has said goodbye

Close to orange and not far from blue

Plum and Arizona and crazy and new

Orange is a weird color in my mind

A sour taste and end of a race

A treasured face I have to find

I dream of others but deep down I know

For me no colors will ever glow

Except what I chose to say

Is ever black and shade of grey

The heart is too deep a place to explore

'Those who are heartless once cared too much.' 

All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.

"Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams" 

Don’t let us forget that the causes of human actions are usually immeasurably more complex and varied than our subsequent explanations of them.

There is something at the bottom of every new human thought, every thought of genius, or even every earnest thought that springs up in any brain, which can never be communicated to others, even if one were to write volumes about it and were explaining one's idea for thirty-five years; there's something left which cannot be induced to emerge from your brain, and remains with you forever; and with it you will die, without communicating to anyone perhaps the most important of your ideas.

Heart just isn't big enough

There are not enough tears to cry

Not enough tissues to dry

One Too many empty skies

And a fox with the deepest blue eyes

A dream in time from last months yesterday

Should've never fallen asleep that night

Cried and shouted my way to mcdonalds

Watched your feet close in the garage

Not enough time in my life to forget that memory

All I ever can never unsee

Red and blue and flannel and yellow

Broken lights of immense sorrow

It's been too long to tell anyone

It's been too long it should be done

The dust cloud has settled

And my eyes are clear

But sometimes in dreams of impact I still hear....

I'll never forget as long as I live

What you couldn't try to remember

You think we've changed

But hearts cant be rearranged 

I won't tell myself what I know isn't true

-My love will never be mirrored by you

Helios

Shatter my heart and call me heartless

Expose my scars and call me bitter

Study my eyes and call me soulless

Give me your heart and snatch it back

Ask me why I'm scared of heart attack

Take my heart and fold it thin

Slip it in your pocket for Always is when

Throw it in my face, shredded in plenty

Ask me why I see the glass half empty

Take my telescope and break it then

Ask me why I think the stars are dim

Cut my hair off and burn it low

Ask me why I love your hair so

Laugh at my art and hang it on your wall

Ask me why I expected a call

Tell me for the hundredth time

You're too busy for a mountain climb

I'll live in the darkness with only the sky

Without a heart to beat I'll surely die

Better to die having lost the race

Than spending years dreaming of your face

Fireball

Walking out to nowhere

Hopes so full they ripped my grocery bags and escaped like sirens through the air

I didn't notice the way the stars smiled at me

Slight approval? Or maybe just a step away from reality

They have their planets to keep warm

I shouldn't have though I'd wish upon that star

As it passed by overhead

To quickly for me to think

Of anything I want in life

Is it funny how

If I could find another shooting star

To wish upon,

I would just wish to see that shooting star again?

Or is that just wishing for more wishes?

I wish to see that star smile again at my train impersonations

I'll never hope again

I tell myself now

But truth is I've never let go

And my hopes still like the stars aglow

There'll be more shooting stars in March!

I think I'll be asleep during March

Messy hair in loose bun

Coming to pickup a paycheck

3 minutes more than my heart could take

I'll surely never sleep again

Underground

The pleasure of despair. But then, it is in despair that we find the most acute pleasure, especially when we are aware of the hopelessness of the situation...

...everything is a mess in which it is impossible to tell what's what, but that despite this impossibility and deception it still hurts you, and the less you can understand, the more it hurts.

There are certain things in a man's past which he does not divulge to everybody but, perhaps, only to his friends. Again there are certain things he will not divulge even to his friends; he will divulge them perhaps only to himself, and that, too, as a secret. But, finally, there are things which he is afraid to divulge even to himself, and every decent man has quite an accumulation of such things in his mind. I can put it even this way: the more decent a man is, the larger will the number of such things be.

Map to the stars

My heart is shattered and lying on the floor

My soul is wailing loudly so please shut the door

Mapped out in front of you and me

Africa, Mexico, Canada and Germany

California, Florida, and the coast of New York

San Fran, LA and Carson just for sport

The bar the sea and every in between

The circus the zoo and super bowl on TV

These places and things and adventures and dreams

Lit up my face as the map danced at its seams

Excitement turned my feet to You and shouting I said

Nothing. 

Because you had gone and left me for dead.

If I had known the stars would fall out of the sky That day

I would have enjoyed the light each special way

I would've skipped dinner to see the stars come out

Drivin hours to watch them go south

Taken pictures to serve as twinkling memories

If only I had known when you'd leave me

At the bar

All the steel and rubber in the world

A water fountain and want to grow

Same age same eyes same smile

But you were too busy

Dining at midnight on breakfast food galor

An omelette for you some hope for me

But both filled with let downs that ketchup couldn't cover up

I was there as the sun began to rise, 

Waiting wondering wishing

The fire beginning to burn

 that fire in my eyes 

You could feel the heat but you wore a jacket anyways

And a hat too so you wouldn't have to listen to the fire crackle

I thought we'd see the stars with the rocket ship we'd build

But I showed up to play

And you didn't have the time

Apples and oranges

Tell me you love me and I'll be your's tomorrow

Show me your deepest feelings and paint for me your faintest memories- the old ones that you only remember remembering

Dream for me the most beautiful colors and vast lights in expanse beyond the clouds that only have entered the world through your eyes

Tel me what you fear so vividly that you laugh in afraid's face when our conversation is over

Pour me a glass of tears from the bottle no one has yet opened and explain to me the saltiness of each drop

Lend me your shoes for a day so I know how your feet hurt after you've worked hard

Drive me to your favorite place- take me the long way there

Whisper in my ear the dreams you have for every creature and breath of air as well piggy back across town

Open up my eyes to see from a you eye view

Jump into the ocean with me and steal my warmth so I know what cold you've felt