A fork in the road

There's a fork in the road ahead of me
and down each path I can see
neither future i want at all
scared of each to be honest

I see you in my mind
in pictures and different sings
i think i love you
it seems true
but i cant go on in these itchy sheets

3 hours to fall asleep
just to hear that alarm beep
and know another day is here
that so much in it i fear

I'm just a little boy
scared of this and that and everything in between
scared of losing you
scared ill take my life too soon

I see you play with your friends
but for me its always dead ends
i want to smile and laugh
but all i feel is my heart drop

one path leads to ups and downs
but only two weeks in,
I dont know how much worse it could get
its like i have so much to look forward to
and yet I dont even want to wake up in the morning

The other path is short,
a cliff at the end
over the edge ill send
cause I don't ever want to see you
and you not be mine

I pray that my love would be genuine
but somehow this room is still thinning
squeezing me towards the fork
i must choose a path

Its the same things that happened with her
with you i wouldnt let it happen- i swore
and now here i am not a smile
to open a single present

I cried last night for the first time in a while
when it rains it pours
and when it pours people drown
I hope sometimes i get swept under
or maybe that bridge can help me out...

Memories and pictures used to satisfy
now nothing this mind can pacify
I'm scared of each and every path
there may be more options but they all loop to death

I've said this before and ill say it as i sit
i want to love you each day hold you each night
for now I'm too scared to say it
but I'm sure I'm losing this fight

Police officer

It was a usual weekday night -rather late in the night actually,

Maybe 11:30pm or so

We got the call and my partner and I looked at each other

"An armed robbery?" He said. "On a Tuesday night?" 

We flipped a u turn and the lights on an raced to the shell station the dispatcher had directed us to.

Not often we saw an armed robbery around here. Especially at gas stations. That was more of thing that we hear about happening in the city and ghettos.

By the time we got there, another cruiswr was pulling up behind us, apparently the criminal had a gun. 

So I, being the driver, opened my door and kneeled behind it, gun drawn. My partner called out over the CB radio "come out now! We have you surrounded!"

Times like these my heart always beat and I thought of my family. While I was mostly safe behind this sheet metal door and I had my gun ready. But I knew the man or woman in there had a gun too, and that my reactions sure are slower than a gun. If he came out Beside me, I'd just have to pray he'd miss.

"Come out now!"

The voice was echoing out of the speakers.

Everyone near this gas station had cleared out once they heard the loud shouting inside and the police sirens.

We saw the shadow of a taller man inside the store with long dark hair carrying a what looked like a .357 magnum and a sack- probably full of money. 

We began to look at each other as this man strolled over to the window, looked out, then headed to the door.

I, being closest to the door became more nervous and cocked my gun.

The man opened the door and looked at us. He definitely had a gun, but he seemed in no hurry. 

"Drop your weapon and put your hands up!" The officer in the other cruiser behind us shouted

What happened then made time freeze for me. The next 10 seconds play in my mind as a 5 minute event.

The man, who i later realized was a young man, opened the door and came charging at me, his gun pointed straight at me. My heart stopped and I thought for sure this was it and so I never tried to pull my trigger. It was a fraction of a second later I noticed that this perhaps 18 year olds fas was red and there were tears streaming down his face. He was pulling the trigger to his gun but nothing was happening, all the while running at me. I couldn't bring myself to shoot him, still caught in between his tears and the confusion and fear that I would be shot. Just then I heard a loud gunshot that was very familiar to me although this time it seemed very loud. I looked down at my side to see if it was me who had been shot, then I looked at my partner, his gun ejecting a freshley released bullet falling to the ground. I looked back at this boy who had fallen on his knees, a puddle of blood growing under his chest and around his face.

I tha up to him, ignoring the shouts of the other officers. I rolled him over and he had one eye opened, tears covering his face. "

What are you doing?" I stumbled out

He looked at me and through offs of blood barely let out, "tell my girl I love her."

And with that he took half a breath and dropped in my arms. I looked at his gun. It was a plastic toy gun with not a single bb in it. I cried the rest of that night over that boy lying in a puddle of blood in his tie dye shirt and his toy gun next to him.