Saturday, August 16, 2014

More time wasted

More time wasted

The saltwater drips onto the pillow as they caress my face slowly being ejected by my tear ducts. The cold water spots form two eye shape circles on the pillow that stare off into an emotionless black hole. No iris, no pupil, no cornea- these ocean eyes made of tears only see into the dead-end future of

You know you're hurting inside when it suddenly occurs to you a good idea to stab forks into your own forehead.
Heartache- The glass shards from a broken heart tear at the the membranes as they are pumped through veins trying to oxygenate these shaking hands and breathless lungs. The heart continues to try but only causes more shredding.
As the tears begin to flow more steadily like a moderate drizzle in a summer storm here in New Orleans, I try to fill them with my memories that they perhaps may be washed away. The failed dreams and let downs stain my face and cause it to be sticky like a child who spilt his cranberry juice on the hardwood floors. These disappointments never leave
I'll be woken up tomorrow by the sun and be ever moving one again into the future. But my tear stained pillow and scarred insides of my veins never forget that broken heart which never had all of it's pieces swept up into the dust pan.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Thoughts on a Windy day

Love
The word is thrown around so much it hardly has meaning. Yes I love her, but why say it? Saying, " I love you" can be as meaningless as saying, "I can fly." Neither are true- most of the time. 
Ah she is the rare "sometimes" wherein both become truth. "Loving" her gives me wings to fly, effortlessly. It's not as though she makes me fly, but rather, the sky has been brought down to me so that I may fly. I put forth no effort, I am weightless in the endless expanse of atmosphere. "Loving" her made the earth I had previously lusted for a hell that I now only could escape by flying. Soaring. The nebulous blue expanse had become my drug that this "love" had carried me up to. 

Beauty
If the word "beautiful" is used to describe flowers, oceans, sunsets, then I need a word infinitely more meaningful. Nature is perfect- yet I would never die for it. How should I describe it?
Her beauty isthe kind that  makes any man stop in his tracks just stare at the shadow of her face like it's a comet that just burst into flames entering the earth's atmosphere.- but it isn't just...
Her beauty is the kind that urges me to kiss her lips until they fall off and then a few times more.
But not only...
Her beauty is a beauty of the soul and heart deeper than any star is far away,-I hear it in her laugh. Her beauty is the immaculately stunning way she makes my day brighter than the sun in any summer day. 

Her beauty is like the sun- No...
Her beauty is like the moon- No...
Her beauty is like the entire infinite galaxy that contains uncountable and immeasurable amounts of these suns and moons that give light to everything that sees.

I love her not because of any great feeling that I have- but rather, quite the opposite. 
I love her because of the pain I feel when she becomes happy at my great expense.