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"The

Days are

 much brighter

in my memories

The

Sun shown

today all

I saw was gray

Sky,

the flowers,

each person

just black and white.

There

simply 

is no joy

to be found here"

The 

crow flies 

away to where

ever it wants to

HEre

he is

veins of booze

 cant numb a heart

He's 

moved to

the couch to

count the moon cows

each

day the

same if on

ly we could love

Just

love each

other like sons

maybe he'd smile

Oh well

When you're alone, do you think of me?

And my diamond ring's thrown out to sea.

And when you love, do you love for me?

Like harmony, a never ending dream.

Oh well, oh well. I still hope for the best.

Say goodbye and send me off with a kiss farewell.

And I promise I'll be just as strong as I can be.

Maybe you could get some sleep tonight.

So here's your song. It's twisting me.

I'd give anything to make you scream.

And I'll just smile, and make believe I don't feel a thing.

That doesn't work for me.

Oh well, oh well. Guess I'll see you in hell.

There's a pretty little picture that's in my head.

And I'm starting to dream, changing colours while I sleep.

Maybe I'm just wasting time.

Sit still and listen to the soundtrack.

I'll tell you how I took one straight through the heart,

And it's not easy to talk about.

So we all scream loud.

And that was it.

I had made it clean just across the street with my new wings.

So I'll just fly and hope that I remember the good times when it's done.

Oh well, oh well.

I can't live with myself as I'm climbing in your window to get to your bed.

And I'll be what you need,

You can call me anything

Just as long as we're still friends.

Sit still and listen to the soundtrack.

I'll tell you how I took one straight through the heart, and it's not easy to talk about.

So we all sing.

Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh ohh-oh

When she smiles, well it's got nothing to do with me.

I'm not the one who sings her to sleep.

And I've been talking to God asking for just a little help with you but it's hopeless.

It's not the first time but this one really carved it in.

Tell your new friends that they don't know you like I do.

It's over. I wanna see you again. I wanna feel it again.

Ohh, it's not the first time, but this one really carved it in.

Tell your new friends that no one knows you like I do.

It's over. I wanna see you again.

Welcome sleepless night

I went to that picnic bench where we first sat and talked. 

Someone else was sitting there

I went to that black metal bench near the fountain.

Someone had drawn graffiti on it.

I went to that small wooden bench in the woods with our names carved in it.

Someone had thrown it into the pond

I went to the bench that's upstairs in the train.

The train had been towed away because no one visited anymore.

I went to that bench behind the playground where our dreams reached the sky.

It was gone. The owners saw no need for it anymore. They said it was s nice memory

I went to that rocking bench outside of the store.

Someone had bought it 

I went to all those benches facing the stage across the pond at the park.

The park was being torn down.

I went to that orange bench at the playground.

It had melted from the sun and the school was closed

I went to that table bench outside the grocery store that has raspberry tea.

The umbrellas had caught the tables and carried them away in the wind.

I went to those black chairs and that table that make up one of my most vivid and loved memories. 

They were thrown to the side of the bakery, forgotten

Here comes another sleepless night where I'll stare at the wall.

Or maybe I'll down those pills and dream it all never happened.

Or maybe it didn't happen

But Of course it did

There's no proof anymore

The more the merrier

Though the sun rises each day
it rises in the same place
though the yellow shoots out of its rays
it comes up with the same face

If only the sun was there put its hands on me lying
saying, "It's okay,"
or, "It's not okay."
or, "you're dying."
If only the sun was there

Finding a mind.

The car is never repaired
the paint forever scared
the window's stuck down
wiring is a clown

the smell of this place has changed
hopes re-arranged
shoes don't fit swell
brace fits too well

The Great Gatsby never was a good distraction
hardly a way to start a conversation
when everyone else is gone,
just us and some words drawn

Like no one else was there
let's skip school away from here
spring break never ended
all the days blended

forgotten car doesn't mind
arm isn't left behind
chapel clothes for flying kites
sprinkler rides on bikes

Graduating class of some year
in one out the other ear
Goodbye brother, when time renews
our lives -I always loved you

Swinging in suits and pants
Hey can we dance?
This darkness never seemed so bright
feeling the end of the tunnel's light

Dancing in the light
not a fright
Did you Think it? Dream it?
All of it- the sun is there to orbit

In the Bubbly fountain escaping the Pilot
all shades of the sun, yellow to violet
counting blessings by the fingers in mine
never a want to check the time

There must be a fault in those things up there
waiting for the plane to land here
Lets ford escape to the roundabouts
Talk of God and all our doubts

Haven't gone there yet
two days later- there without a sweat
this song sounds good
they all do when you understood:

Letdowns now full of hopes
climbing the steepest slopes
on one hand
Lets see a band

Into the fray with no fear of the sick
wanna see a magic trick?

waffles are free at midnight

stoplights become an optional sight

flying to highway one

letters in the mail- we won

Bubba gump bear shirts on sale

blankets just for the price of bale

Building forts to hide

pain was forced to subside

It couldn't break through pillows

pain fell into the gallows

endless work days bearable

fountain breaks between the double

mood ring bright blue

shiny shoes

Wanna do this?

finish it with a kiss

tallest buildings furthest jumps

throat choking on joy lumps

All the right moves
mini van's got the groove
everywhere we thrive
Wanna learn how to drive?

Ending it with red
outside that restaurant was dead
no one saw the joy tears pull
nor my heart that was finally full

Miss atomic bomb had captured the bear
caught in her hair
the killers song
"For a second there we'd won"


Migrating into the eight to three
never was so easy
sixteen came and went
mostly garbage how it was spent

the mountains began to pop up
different people wassup
great was this, amazing was that
how about a scavenger hunt?

The night when boyhood seemed so appealing
i heard the words I'd forever been fearing
they tattooed everything in black
that image forever my mind attack

A quick look outside and it was raining
a little boy's kite had a hole in it
the frame fell off of the painting
the child threw a fit
the sunsets are grey
everyone is stupid
mind is lost
money is burnt
the beach is hit with a sandstorm
the grand canyon filled in
the parking garages fall
photobooths collpase
they dont play movies anymore
the clouds dont make funny dinosaurs
the bike has a flat tire
the car is dirty
the plans are burned, unused
the dances are attended.
the stars don't tell stories
the magician lost his magic
the church bells are broken
candy tasting bitter
the beetles never cross Abbey Road
the train has left the station, fallen from the sky
the bear has entered hibernation,
the tip money goes unspent.

The morning offers no hope
the people are all ghosts
how is one supposed to get any sleep
when peace with his thoughts cant keep?

Music makes no sound
hits the skull and bounced around
no more wrestling
the fort is falling

For pillows only hold up so much
until they need their own crutch
how can a heart pour out even to the mud
when it scrapes the barrel just to pump blood

The drugs say end yourself
there's no point in a life of death
But all the blood washing down the bathtub
can't change the color of the ocean

Maybe Pumba was right,
stars are big balls of gas in flight
leaning in to whisper and now and then
"Hey, just count to ten."

Your scars will have scars your bones will need support
but a ship never was built to remain in port
Although the space odyssey ended,
500 days of winter were predicted,
Sweet disposition is melting alone,

"high on you" is no longer a song,

They were right in saying that dreams do come true,
but they didn't mention nightmares are dreams too

Hope in these dreams
wake up from the nightmares.

More time wasted

More time wasted

The saltwater drips onto the pillow as they caress my face slowly being ejected by my tear ducts. The cold water spots form two eye shape circles on the pillow that stare off into an emotionless black hole. No iris, no pupil, no cornea- these ocean eyes made of tears only see into the dead-end future of

You know you're hurting inside when it suddenly occurs to you a good idea to stab forks into your own forehead.

Heartache- The glass shards from a broken heart tear at the the membranes as they are pumped through veins trying to oxygenate these shaking hands and breathless lungs. The heart continues to try but only causes more shredding.

As the tears begin to flow more steadily like a moderate drizzle in a summer storm here in New Orleans, I try to fill them with my memories that they perhaps may be washed away. The failed dreams and let downs stain my face and cause it to be sticky like a child who spilt his cranberry juice on the hardwood floors. These disappointments never leave

I'll be woken up tomorrow by the sun and be ever moving one again into the future. But my tear stained pillow and scarred insides of my veins never forget that broken heart which never had all of it's pieces swept up into the dust pan.

Thoughts on a Windy day

Love

The word is thrown around so much it hardly has meaning. Yes I love her, but why say it? Saying, " I love you" can be as meaningless as saying, "I can fly." Neither are true- most of the time. 

Ah she is the rare "sometimes" wherein both become truth. "Loving" her gives me wings to fly, effortlessly. It's not as though she makes me fly, but rather, the sky has been brought down to me so that I may fly. I put forth no effort, I am weightless in the endless expanse of atmosphere. "Loving" her made the earth I had previously lusted for a hell that I now only could escape by flying. Soaring. The nebulous blue expanse had become my drug that this "love" had carried me up to. 

Beauty

If the word "beautiful" is used to describe flowers, oceans, sunsets, then I need a word infinitely more meaningful. Nature is perfect- yet I would never die for it. How should I describe it?

Her beauty isthe kind that  makes any man stop in his tracks just stare at the shadow of her face like it's a comet that just burst into flames entering the earth's atmosphere.- but it isn't just...

Her beauty is the kind that urges me to kiss her lips until they fall off and then a few times more.

But not only...

Her beauty is a beauty of the soul and heart deeper than any star is far away,-I hear it in her laugh. Her beauty is the immaculately stunning way she makes my day brighter than the sun in any summer day. 

Her beauty is like the sun- No...

Her beauty is like the moon- No...

Her beauty is like the entire infinite galaxy that contains uncountable and immeasurable amounts of these suns and moons that give light to everything that sees.

I love her not because of any great feeling that I have- but rather, quite the opposite. 

I love her because of the pain I feel when she becomes happy at my great expense. 

The cave

Raven flew, down down down,

Into The Cave was lost his sound.

What was in the cave? Would it kill?

Would it help? Would it save?

Raven knew not what was inside

Nor what he should expect to find.

He flew in the cave half by chance,

Half fell in like Wonderland caught Alice.

Pitch black, blacker than his own feathers,

Raven tried to adjust his eyes or grab something to tether.

He wasn't falling like a normal person falls,

But was being being hurtled down this dark hall. 

It was a cave but it quickly narrowed in and out, to and fro, here and there, around and about. 

He Opened up his wings to try and slow down 

But to no avail- there was no ground.

Suddenly, after what seemed like half of a lifetime, Raven smashed the ground- he then felt all the pain of a lifetime.

"Will I die here?" He thought.

No raven just remember what you have been taught.

Raven remembered the words he had been told

He could hardly remember anything now but he tried to be bold.

Closing his eyes, entering the past,

He pictured the words he had heard last.

"Carry on Raven, carry on-" 

he remembered as he collected his own. 

Climbing to his feet, he was still in great pain.

"Will it leave me or my whole life stain?" He thought

Raven stumbled on, doing as he had been told- keep moving on.

He tried to look back behind him and see if he could fly back out the way he came, but no entrance or exit was in sight- just a long dark tunnel.

After a few minutes of walking in pain, raven stumbled upon and old, crooked sign made of wood many years ago. It said, "prepare yourself wanderer, this cave will test every part of your being."

Raven carried on because no other option was in sight. The tunnle thinned to where he could barely squeeze between the walls. So much physical pain in his whole left side from his fall. Every step it hurt more like he was being set ablaze. Suddenly, Raven found himself in an open room. He looked to his left and there was a small glass mirror on the wall, adjusting to  see himself because it was so small, Raven couldn't see anything g wrong with himself or why he was on so much excruciating pain. Just his own two eyes, staring back at him with the same fear he looked at them with. Walking forward, he found a larger mirror, about the size of his head which he could now see most of his reflexion in. Nothing wrong, just the same empty, fearful eyes he had looked into before. Carrying on further, a larger mirror approached him. It showed the same reflexion he had previously seen. Ravens image scared him, not because he was in pain and couldn't see anything wrong, but becuase he could see the fear and uncertainty in his own eyes. A few steps forward, two giant mirrors reminding him of his every flaw. Then three, then six, then, before he knew it, Raven was surrounded by mirros reminding him of his physical pain and fear.he could hardly stand to look at himself. He was truly and deeply afraid if himself, what he had become, and what he was missing. Furthermore, he saw a lack of pride. When he looked at himself in all if those mirrors, there was nothing he was excited from or showed a result from hard work. Raven turned his head and moved on down the path. A sign on the path said, " a sad day it is when you're not proud of your own image in the mirror. "Eyes bloodshot, heart pounding, Raven clawed and stumbled his way past the reflections into the next small tunnel.

  

As he marched on, this tunnel was similair to the last. It had many mirrors

, or at least, what he thought was mirrors. They were little pools of water on the sides of the wall but instead of showing his reflexion, these pools showed past flaws of Ravens. As Raven trudged past them, they reminded him of different failures he had encountered, mocking him. Raven heard a voice- he looked to his right and saw his beloved Crow there, whispering, "I love you" To him. Raven suddenly forgot the images the pools were showing and kept his eyes locked on his love. A few more steps, however; Raven was mocked again by a replay of one of his previous short coming- one of the times he had failed. Raven felt awful about himself but he looked back at crow and found respite in her words again. A few more steps and this time Raven was reminded of an injury he had while flying that had affected him greatly. He looked at crow for words of affirmation, but only her lips moved- he couldn't hear what she as saying. Raven looked back at the image of his accident playing over and over again. Then back at crow. Crow, his love, her words provided no solace for him. This wasn't because she didn't truly like him, but because the pain was often to great. Crow was soon gone, perhaps it had just been a mirage of her, and Raven was left alone to sit in his failure. He trudged forward, coming up to a small sign. It read, "sometimes your greatest happinesses provide no peace." Raven shook his head and carried on into the next part of the cave.

This part of the cave wasn't like the previous small tunnels. This part opened up to where crow was standing on the edge of a great cliff. He, mostly scared to do so and barely staying mentally sain at this point, looked off the edge of the cliff. He didn't see his twisted reflexion or his past screw ups like earlier, but, rather, a different world. This world had him, crow,'his friends and family, and everyone else in his life now. What was different about it? Raven looked closer at himself down below. His heart dropped -This world off the edge of the cliff showed what Ravens life could have been. It showed him everything he wanted. Instead of seeing other people be and do what he wanted most, Raven was that being. Raven saw everything he ever desired in himself down there. He watched himself perform the way he always wanted, people cheer for him, and all of his past failures meant nothing to him. This was the ideal Raven. This Raven had experienced no pain and therefore feared nothing. Ravens pain had not made him stronger, he realized, but had simply caused him to fear it. Ravens greatest fear was to have to experience more pain. He longed for this life he saw because it showed a painless life without loss and failure. Raven began to cry. He wanted to turn his head but couldn't becuase he was already sucked into this life he could have had. "Why didn't I get this life?" He thought over and over. 

A voice behind him brought him out of his questioning.

"Wanderer, what say you?"

"Why have I been out through all of this pain?" Responded Raven. "Can you take me out of the cave?"

The voice was that of a great bear perched high on a different peak. 

"If I carried you out, you would forget the journey and the desire to leave you are feeling right now."

"Why did I have to go through this? Why was I constantly in pain and being reminded of my pain? Why was I then shown a life without pain?"

"Where you are now is where you need to be. Think of the great things you have, like Crow. Carry on through the rest of the cave Raven. I can't  promise it will be easier."

Raven nodded, thanked the bear, put his head down, and marched on through the rest of the cave.

"Did he make it out?" You are thinking.

The real question is, "Will he make it out?"

What now?

"What now?" Asked raven me

What do you mean, what now? 

Now that crow loves me, what is there to do? What is my goal? What do I work for now?

Raven. Life is not a checklist. She loves you now I can tell you two are happy. Don't be like the scarecrows whose Love lasts for a short time until they have lost the happiness of the moment.

Be real. Make your goal to cherish every moment with her. Fly insane places with her and just live. Ignore what the scarecrows say and the looks they give.

Life isn't about living in the moment and the short rushes of feeling that come in them. Rather, it is about truly living and truly enjoying everything with a smile on your beak because life is a gift. Love crow with all your heart, look at her as a knight looks at his princess in a tower. But be real with her above all else. Don't be like the fake scarecrows who never truly love.

Well done

I see you Raven. I see that crow is now yours and you are her's. All that you wished for was for her to be yours and now she is. Well done. Part of the short time you will spend as a Raven should be spent learning and experiencing knew things. Love her dearly, Raven. Don't listen to the scarecrows, the other crows, or even the other ravens. Fly above them with your crow.

Fly away. She is yours. Fly high above everything into the city. Watch. Watch things go by and enjoy your time together. The time seems long when it was really slow and the time seems slow when it was really fast. Live every moment raven. 

Be real Raven. Don't fly to low or to high, lest you take your eyes off of the horizon. Be real and fly on with crow

Among the scarecrows, fly on Raven

No longer

"No longer," said crow

No longer will I watching things go by like I have seen the seasons change. 

I've watched opportunities pass like the dust in the wind

There too much evil in this world to not take chances and to not be trying to constantly outstep that evil and win the day. 

Next time I see crow and have a chance with her, I will take it.

No longer will I wait for anything to fly but I will soar straight off of the ground

I will not be like the humans that wait for chances to come to them. They only wish to stand where they are and be comfortable in the moment like the human in the corn field. I will be different.

I will hope for the best and not ever back out because I have watched too many good things pass within grasp.

No longer, sir.

"Very good raven" 

Don't be like the scarecrows that stand all day to be comfortable. Shoot for the moon even if it means you fall from the sky.

Among the scarecrows, fly on raven

Seconds turning to hours

We flew together today sir. Crow and I had a wonderful flight together today.

It all started when I went to see her and she was alone. She asked if I wanted to take a short itinerary with her until her fellow crows returned. 

We flew high into the sky talking about everything faster than the wind blew.

For hours we talked about experiences as we watched the sun creep across the sky. I thought we had been flying for hours but I felt no soreness. Her simple voice was as calm as the ocean waves and as pleasant as the crickets chirping at night. 

After what seemed like forever, we saw her fellow crows returning, so we landed. I asked someone how long we had been gone.

"Maybe 2 or 3 minutes" he said.

Could it really only have been that long?

I cherish every moment with her.

Through time, I will fly on.

Somewhere in neverland

Wendy run away with me

I know I sound crazy

Don’t you see what you do to me?

I want to be your lost boy

Your last chance, a better reality

Wendy we can get away

I promise if you’re with me, say the word and we’ll find a way

I can be your lost boy, your last chance

Your "everything better" plan

Oh, somewhere in Neverland

All I want, crow, is for you to be mine.

Don't you see what you do to me?

Let's run away to endless neverland.

Hopes full of letdowns

Raven lovers her, he does. He flies different directions out of his way just to see her. He looks at her like a hungry dog looks at a bowl of food. He wants nothing more than to spend time with her. And to have her love him.

Does she love him? Reading the emotions of Crow can be the most difficult of tasks.

Raven ignores the scarecrows, flying past them and ignoring there looks of laughs. He doesn't hear them anyone, all he thinks of is her.

Hopes full of letdowns is all Raven has known. This is the furthest he has flown for one crow. All he has hope for has let him down. Not this one. This time he will fly to the moon and back before he gives up.

My fingers are crossed twice and I carry two horseshoes with me for good luck Raven. Fly on raven. Don't lose hope for crow, try your best to have her have you. Don't lose yourself. 

Among th scarecrows, don't lose hope raven.

Raven's response

Thank you for the encouragement sir 

I'll do my best to ignore the humans and their endless lifeless looks

I have that feeling once again. 

I haven't felt it in a while but it is here for sure.

When I'm with her I shake like the leaves on the tree when the wind blows, but when I am away from her all I want is to feel the breeze again.

I'm still learning to fly. My soul is in tension- that's learning to fly.

I call to her when I see her and think of her all day long

She's a young crow and will get me laughed at for sure

 But It's worth it a thousand times for her 

I've watched other birds fly by before. I like them, I consider pursuing them.

This one is different. She's a hundred times as beautiful as those some say she looks like. 

I've flown to the ocean and seen the sun rise there

It fails in comparison to her beauty.

I stay up all night to make sure I wish on every shooting comet that she will be mine.

Try I will to have her notice me. 

I shall try to learn to fly.

Her

Don't listen to what they say Raven

Those scarecrows only speak to hear their own voice

The raven began to groom himself, 

Keeping his feathers neat and cleaning his feet

Never before in so long had he cared so much

For a girl worth doing all of this and such

Raven do as you please

Don't answer their questions don't acknowledge their laughs

You love who you please

The scarecrows have no power to tease

Haven't you suffered long enough? 

Not for one day but for all following that day.

Love who you must Raven, we all know you can't control it. 

fear not for everyone fears what they do not understand

Do for her what you wish her to do for you

However the wind blows 

However the wind blows

Love, Raven, Love. 

Such is confused among the scarecrows but you don't be trapped with them. Fly high and shoot for the stars and avoid them

Among the scarecrows, fly on Raven.

You're thinking all wrong

Where was the Raven today? Was he tired of the human not responding to him? Was he sick of being hungry so he went to a different field? Has he given up? Has he stayed home out of defeat and disappointment? 

One might think so.

But I can see the Raven. I see him at home as happy as can be.

One might think he is sulking because he didn't get his way. One might think he's trying to make himself known by not showing up. One might say wow Raven what a faker you are.

The Raven simply took a day off.

One might say what a failure only failures take the day off. One might shout why Raven are you not being persistent like me? Like him? Like me? One might shout you're a coward Raven. 

No, no, one would be wrong to say such. The raven is not a coward, he is not afraid and he did not give up. The raven stayed home simply because he wanted to rest for a day. He stayed home because he wanted a day to himself. He didn't have it in his head some master plan to get back at the human or make himself look good, he simply stayed home. 

As you know the raven get angry often at the human. But, you see, the raven thinks above all of this. He sees that there are other things in life than to do what you're told day after day. The raven doesn't think of himself as better, just more subtle and understanding. 

The raven stayed home because he could. 

Among the scarecrows, fly on raven

UnComfortably numb

Hello

Is there anybody in there

Just nod if you can hear me

Is there anyone at home

Come on now

I hear you're feeling down

I can ease your pain

And get you on your feet again

Relax

I'll need some information first

Just the basic facts

Can you show me where it hurts

Thus thought the raven as he flew

Although he knew

In just time soon

The human would be looking at him

With those same dull eyes that appear to be stitched into his flesh

The raven was back again this time with a different approach to the human 

I can help the human he thought

I can ease his pain

The reason he doesn't talk is because he is afraid. 

All he needs is a friend to tell

The stories of his hell

The raven sat on his fence but within distance of the human among the corn.

I can help you he squawked

I can help you

I can help you just tell me

I can help you if you open up

The human stood there motionless

Let me help you! The bird now getting angry

Let me help you!

The human just stood there behind his mask. The human refused help by simply doing nothing. 

The raven was furious at this point since he had thrown himself out of his comfort to help an enemy

Listen to me! You need help!

The human just stared back, arms straight out, body tilted to the side, straw hat.

The raven flew off. Hungry today not just because of no food but because he wanted to help and his help was not wanted. 

Could the human have gotten help if he wanted?

Among the Scarecrows, Fly on Raven

14/02/25

The raven perches on the fence watching. Wondering. Thinking. 

The human looks back with the same fake smile It has everyday. The raven sees the food, see the opportunities he has laying before him. The sun reflecting off of the food casts a haze of dull light around the field

The hungry crow now flies around

Hungry for food

Hungry to get ahead

Hungry to fulfill his plans

Hungry to get on with his life

Hungry to fly

Hungry to eat

.

"You have never seen the other side human! You have wanted but always had! You have strived for and always gained! You have been hungry but never without food! You have been hurt but always healed! You have seen the light and not turned back! You have had hard times but they haven't molded you!  You have been in the fire but never burned! You have been amongst the shit flying around but you have never been hit. Human

You sit there day after day with that smile on your face human. But what's behind that face. You've had it hot some days I've seen. But where are your burns and the stories to see.

Why.

What do you live for when you have hidden your past. No sunlight or moonlight or rain or snow causes you to act any different human. You worry day after day. For what do you stand in this field for day after day if you won't say what you mean and mean what you say."

And with this the raven flew off. 

"Amongst the scarecrows, fly on raven."